PUNE TRAFFIC RULES --- SAB CHALTA HE!!!

(This is not my creation totally but few thoughts of a friend of mine)...enjoy :)

The traffic sense of average Punekar can be summed as look ahead, try not to bump into anyone in the front. Everything else is chalta hai.

So you have PMT (Phaltu Municipal Transport -- yes there is such a thing) buses stopping right at the center of the road (if you're lucky -- otherwise in the rightmost lane), the auto-wallahs (the ubiquitous auto-rickshaw drivers) taking a U-turn out of nowhere, cyclists moving in rows, etc, etc...Think of a violation, and you'll find it here.

If you ever wanted to drive in Pune (may god bless you), here are some tips:

1) Buy a cellphone if you don't already have one, and always use it while driving. It is considered a sign of novice driver if you stop to take a call. If you have to stop, don't bother taking your vehicle to the side of the road. Stop right where you are, or better keep on driving at a sluggish place. People will respect you more. Don't cheat by using hands-free. It's a strong taboo, in this part of the world. Who do you think you are?

2) Stopping at signals is passe. The in-thing is to hang around for couple of seconds, pay homage to the red-light and move along. That is, if you just have to stop. Generally, it's not advised. It's very dangerous to stop at a red-light, especially if there is a PMT or some heavy motor vehicle behind you (the red-light will then signify your blood). If you need to stop at the signals, raise your arm up from a kilometer back and ignore contemptuous looks of the drivers vrooming past you from either sides. A few of them can even tell you or rather shout at you to use your common sense and move ahead or atleast get out of their way and let them move. And trust me, you will get utterly embarassed in no time and will feel like a fool standing over there ALONE and will become one of those SMART people.

3) If anyone honks, and is expecting that you give him the side, DON'T move. In general, you're not supposed to think about anyone behind you. Especially true if s/he's honking. This is not to teach you to be mean. Really, that only means s/he is deciding which side is more comfortable for overtaking, and you don't want to complicate his/her algorithm. Remember: you're supposed to hold your line (and not bump into anyone in the front).

4) Another intelligent evolution is...If you are standing on a red signal, you will observe that nobody is looking at his signal but everybody is looking at the other's signal (on the lanes perpendicular to his own's) and doing some calculations. Everybody knows the order of traffic lights going red/green for all the possible lanes at all the possible signals/crossings. And everybody will be ready with switching on their engines well before their signal goes green. Now you must be wondering that HOW COME THEY PREDICTED IT SO WELL?? Well that's why I called it an inteliigent evolution ;) People new to pune will go berserk at the accuracy of such calculations done by the people :)

5) If you yourself want to overtake there is a complicated algorithm, that I'll try to simplify: basically the strategy depends on the vehicle you're trying to overtake:

PMT/Water-tankers: (this latter is a menacing vehicle that's driven by people who generally can't even differentiate between the forward and reverse gears) forget it.

Auto: Move marginally to the right (don't need to look in the rear view mirrors, they'll manage your sudden lane transition) and honk.. the auto-wallah will move towards the right.. then you move back to left, and if you don't mind overtaking from the left go ahead. But still, If you have to overtake from the right (a habit, you should unlearn fast, if you want to stay here) honk again after going to the left, the auto-wallah will move to the left too...now shoot past him from right.

Cycle: May god bless you. Try not to hurt him/her as you overtake.

Biker (and this includes every moped): If under 30, s/he'll start a race with you. Watch the Terminator bike chase, and get some ideas. Otherwise, swiftly overtake from the left.

6) Right of the way: The earlier you forget that there is such a thing, the better for your mental well-being. You want to turn? Turn. You want to cross? cross. You think you've the right of the way, you have it. And so has everyone else. After all, it's not for no reason that they ask you "Sadak kya tere baap ki hai ?".

7) Disable the low beam on your vehicle. People here can't spot low beams well. They might not be able to see you approaching. (If you don't know what the low beam is, great! you're just the kind of person who'll enjoy your ride here).

8) Also you may drive over footpaths, drive in the opposite direction on a one-way, cross by moving over dividers, stand right in the middle of the road raise your hand and stop the traffic, if someone does not stop stare him/her in the eye.

9) A very new trend in the market: Bikes with both the indicators glowing continuously (rather than blinking) and simultaneously(Beat this!!!). So they do not act as indicators anymore but just like show lamps/lights to give your bike a wierdly appealing look (...that appeals only to the biker himself) . Another such noticeable thing on a lot of crossings is...all the signals simultaneously showing RED...and sometimes, even a single signal can show both red and green simultaneously. (YES that happens...it was in the news as well...pune mirror...obviously DUH!!! :) )

Phew!!! The list is long and never ending...and these are a few very commonly followed rituals on roads. But still I love driving on pune roads. A person who can ride/drive/survive on pune roads can survive on any damn road in this world. It's the best driving lesson that you can ever get. Rules ka kya he....SAB CHALTA HE!!!